A score to settle

Another momentous occasion in the sporting calender is upon us this weekend. With speed high on the agenda, not to mention verve, tenacity and ballsy manoeuvres. Yes, that's right. It's the boat race.

Although, in a global sense, perhaps our eyes should be averted to the goings on down under where the Formula One season commences.

Well maybe they would have been were it not for a sequence of events that makes Formula One even less credulous that it already was.

I personally used to love the sport. Every other Sunday was filled with great anticipation and excitement. OK so overtaking became a little thin on the ground as the 90s progressed and as the 21st century began a certain Teutonic feel to those weekends tended to dominate but still I was enthralled. That enthralment only began to diminish as the rule-makers began to... well... make more rules. Or, more specifically, meddle with the previous ones.

With recent events in mind, whereby the FIA have decided to change the rules giving the World drivers title to the individual with the most race wins as opposed to the person who has accrued the most points, seemed to make a modicum of sense. Rewarding ambitious drivers- those who actually won grands prix instead of just sitting in second or third position and picking up points each race. This rule change might have been accepted by most had it not been for the bizarre set of circumstances surrounding it.

Firstly, to announce this on the eve of the season is not just wrong, it's downright scandalous. Ludicrous. Ridiculous. Stupid. No adjective alone can really do this any justice.

Secondly, what was wrong with the old scoring system that kept many of us, the viewing public, happy for many years. 10-6-4-3-2-1 worked very well.

It was only when a Ferrari/Schumacher combination began to dominate that the governing body decided do mix things up a little. Making the sport a bit more random so the viewer could see a greater spectacle. What it really did, however, was cheat their audience. For example, you had a situation going into the final race of the 2003 season where Kimi Raikkonen had won just one grand prix all season compared to Schumacher's six victories and yet the Finn still had a shot at the world title.

To add to the randomness the FIA also changed the format of qualifying into something very confusing indeed. To juggle up the grid a little which it occasionally did but it's not really fair is it? It's not really sport, either, for that matter.

This kind of rule change was akin to the Golfing fraternity saying, "OK Tiger. We recognise you're a bit good but we want to have a greater variant of winners so what we're going to do is shorten the fairways on all the world's golf courses and maybe make you use cricket bats instead of golf clubs. Just to 'juggle it up' a bit, you understand."

On top of all these shenanigans have been the protestations of 'that's not fair' from various teams. What is and is not fair should have been made clearer sooner and stamped out. The word on Team Brawn's rear diffuser should have been qualified at the immediate point of confusion several weeks ago and it is only an unsettling tactic from rival teams to leave it until the week leading up to the season's start. Now that's not fair.

Nevertheless, I will be tuning in with bleary eyes in the early hours of Sunday morning in the hope that this season it will return to the sport I once loved. Though the chances of that happening are about as likely as Max Mosely getting caught with his trousers down and surrounded by fiver hookers dressed as Nazis.

When sports stars cry

Following Roger Federer’s tears in this year’s Australian Open we delve into the sporting archives to discover 10 sportsmen and women who’ve also been unable to control the waterworks.

10. Diego Maradona 1990

After winning the 1986 world cup single handed (pun intended) for a team that without him had less talent than Barnet’s reserves, Maradona was hell bent on doing the same trick at the following world cup in Italy. Sadly, the little cheat, sorry, I meant diminutive genius fell short of his dream after losing to West Germany in a final that will be remembered for instigating the back pass rule after Argentina tried to reverse their way into becoming world champions. Yes, a total of 3,457 back passes were recorded by the South Americans but these figures vary due to the fact that no man has yet been found who didn't fall asleep at some stage during the final. Anyway, I digress, having lost to an Andreas Brehme penalty Senor Maradona wept uncontrollably as the trophy was presented to West Germany.

9. Carsten Jancker 1999

Mario Basler salutes the travelling Bayern Munich fans, Lothar Matthaus is grinning from ear to ear and the Champions' League trophy has the Bayern Munich colours attached to it (conveniently they are similar to their opponents') but someone has forgot to tell the soon to be knighted Alex Ferguson's men. Two goals in stoppage time and Munich hearts are broken. Not only that, comically named Carsten 'rhymes with' Jancker cannot keep his emotions in any longer as Manchester United complete an incredible treble. Meanwhile, Jancker's only treble that night was of miss-hit shots.

8. William Gallas 2008

Ok so he didn't cry but his antics were more befitting of a child screaming and throwing their toys out of a pram than of a grown man who plays professional football for a Premiership side. This drama queen performance was more appropriate for a school playground but instead he chose Saturday the 23rd of February, aged 31 and Birmingham's centre circle to perform his theatrics. I know the French are known for there acting abilities but St Andrew's is not the place to perform in Moulin Rouge.

7. Mika Hakkinen 1999

Michael Schumacher had broken a leg and the only person left to contest Mika Hakkinen was the likable, but talentless, Irishman Eddie Irvine. However, a string of errors by Hakkinen and his McLaren team let Irvine in time and again. These mistakes included one by the flying Finn at the Italian Grand Prix whereby he spun out whilst leading. Hakkinen responded like any true man- he ran into the nearby woods and cried like a baby.

6. John Terry 2008

John Terry, or JT as he is more affectionately known, performed two memorable acts in last year's Champions' League final. Firstly, he missed a crucial penalty. Secondly, he wept onto Avram Grant's shoulder. Apparently, Grant demanded a new suit afterwards and, as a result of his cheek, was duly sacked. Nothing to do with the trophy-less season after all.

5. Oliver McCall 1995

When Oliver McCall became World Champion he was then deemed fit enough to fight Frank Bruno. What made McCall break down in tears that night is still not known to this day. However, it is believed that it was the thought of having to appear alongside our Frank in a pantomime performance that triggered the tears. "Oh no it wasn’t."

4. Michael Schumacher 2000

As Michael Schumacher approached his holy grail of delivering Ferrari's first world driver's championship since before the dinosaurs it all got too much for him and water began seeping from his eyes quicker than the oil from a competitor's engine after he won the Italian grand prix. Schumacher went on to win 7 world titles and become the most successful formula one driver of all time but he will always be remembered for his emotional breakdown in front of millions of viewers. Still, if you're going to cry, best to do it in Italy.

3. Jana Novotna 1993

From being in a certain to win position, Jana Novotna collapsed in a manner that would have made Kevin Keegan proud. After her defeat to Steffi Graf in the Wimbledon final she cried for longer than anyone can remember and the consoling arm of the Duchess of Kent could not do anything to halt her crying. Her tears were in such abundance that the famous Wimbledon covers had to be brought across the grass to keep it dry for the following day's men's final.

2. Alex Higgins 1982

Alex "hurricane" Higgins became Alex "torrential rain" Higgins as his tears ran down his cheeks at the Crucible theatre, Sheffield. These were tears of joy, though, from the Belfast born snooker legend. These tears worsened as he began to realised that closing time of the local bars had elapsed in the midst of the trophy ceremony.

1. Gazza 1990

Undoubtedly the everlasting image of Italia '90 was of Gazza crying after England's semi-final defeat to West Germany on penalties. It is a well known fact that the Germans are masters of two things, female under-arm hair and penalties. The latter has aided the Germans to many footballing victories, the former has not.